Saturday, December 2, 2017

Legacy Painting

You know I consider myself a humble working man. I attempt to keep ego from most conscious acts. But there is a vein of vanity undeniably running through my mind. I've tried to instill small but poignant characteristics in my sons. Things like humor, simplicity, commit, loyalty, don't depend on others, work, be still, basic notions centering one's being. My vanity desires me to be remembered, in the grand cosmic scheme this is futile. In just a couple generations no one will know or care if I ever took a breath. Still I try. Even this blog is a meager attempt to leave a footprint in the sand.
Now grandchildren have populated my mental landscape and the reality of remembrance tugs stronger. So I'll share an example of my futility. I've commissioned a beautiful and significant painting for my son and daughter-in-law's new home. Auspiciously it's a house warming gift. But more than that, when my granddaughters look at it hopefully they will think of me. Here's where my fantasy expands. When my son gets old and leaves this painting to one of his daughters, and she has children, she can share the history of it's meaning. My family has moved ever farther from the inner city and one day their progeny won't have an inkling of what urban life was like. But a cable car in a cityscape will or can be a starting point for tales of the past. My past!

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Winter Is Here

Winter darkness has descended. I never like adjusting to shorter days. My rhythm gets confused. Daily rituals, if you can categorize them as such, because they do vary, manifest themselves at the wrong time of day. It's disconcerting. These small, mostly inconsequential variations, are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. The avalanche of commercialism has begun. The "season" has emerged in full force. The abundance of candy (sugar) from Halloween has yet to be completely consumed, and Christmas bargains already inundate us. I'll admit my abhorrence for excess is a personal problem, the rest of the family finds laughable. I think I'm considered a lovable curmudgeon and do get infected with their holiday enthusiasm, albeit reluctantly. To enhance the commentary I'll add a couple of photos from the Halloween extravaganza.


So here you have me with the grim reaper. Don't we look like fast pals, it won't be long now! And the rest of the Rahers all decked out for "trick or treating" which was a smashing success. You see this is how these holidays play out. I see the negative side and resist with limited vigor, feeling it's hoopla over nothing. It's intrusive, it's obligatory, it takes effort, then the guilt for resisting, participation, and ultimately a fine time, simply a roller coaster ride of self induced emotions. Am I nuts? That's what I ask myself each morning over coffee. This was just Halloween, the heavy hitters are waiting in the wings. Thanksgiving, Hanukkhah, Christmas, New Year, and throw in a birthday or two, and Veterans Day, well you get the picture. Sometimes I feel like a salmon swimming up stream. I love my family as individuals and I love being with them individually. But from a stress standpoint this is not my favorite time of year, but I'm sure when surrounded by smiling faces and the love that goes with them, I'll succumb to heartwarming joy. Lest they forget though, I'll remind them with my t-shirt!

Friday, August 4, 2017

Thoughts On 69th Birthday

This past weekend I celebrated my 69th birthday. The significance of this particular one was the convergence of family. You see Brendan's family, which now included Quinn Rose (3 months) was coming from their home in Portland. This fact, meaning all of my sons and their offspring would be in one location at the same time, unusual, prompted me to invite my sister. We haven't seen each other in nearly a decade, and she has never seen her great grand nieces and nephews, so a perfect storm had emerged. After some logistical finagling all was set. She arrived. Brendan arrived. Brother Casey lives near so no problem there. Cassidy and Lauren opened their home for the festivities.
69 years old, wow! My memory swirls like I'm in a time tornado, visualizing myself as a youngster sitting at my grandfather's knee, looking up at his white hair, cigar smoke spiraling toward the ceiling, and thinking how incomprehensible and different older people and old age was. Bam! Now I'm my grandfather. How did I get here? Do my grandkids look at me and wonder, wonder if I ever played games, or ran fast, or laughed out loud, probably. I look at myself and wonder where it all went. The mind in all it's trickery, desire, tells me, yes I can, but the body, the bones, the muscles, the physical screams differently. The swirling continues as my life and all the phases, phases I've nurtured and wish lasted forever, phases leading to destruction, halted abruptly and dismissed, phases I return to periodically to remember, all swirling in the tornado of my mind. Yet here I stand. Fortunate! I've learned a few things, while trying to stay awake during this lifetime. It's pretty simple really, and fundamental, don't dwell on the past so that is paralyses you, and don't be anxious about the future so that it paralyses you. Well, that leaves trying with some effort to live in the present. I guess at 69 it's a bit easier to live in the present, because the future is at arms length and the past, you know what they say, the memory is the first to go.
So having my sibling with me, who knows when that will happen again, if ever, meant a great deal.
I also think the significance of our convergence worked in reverse. My sons and their wives and children have never seen the Raher crew together, so I'm sure they all derived some insight into the strengths and flaws DNA hands down to those unsuspecting progeny. Never the less they are Rahers and will carry that name come what may. I might add, now in the present, having family, a family that not only survived but will now thrive, fills me with immeasurable joy, pride, satisfaction and tears!!